EDITORS MEMO: The following was trascribed from a tape that was delivered to our office during the early moments of the new year. It was wrapped in the tattered and stained remains of a Ross Perot campaign poster. We called the bomb squad. With this author we take no chances.
01-0.0005-92/93
El Mutanto,
As I and my Compadre sit here on the side of some god forsaken highway here in the tarnished lone star state. (EDITORS NOTE: The author was granted a pardon for calling Perot the anti-christ after the November election) waiting for some coors light, marlborro smoking fucking redneck to pick us up and take us to the airport. I ask, is there an unwritten rule, that all red fucking necks are called Bubba. I need to know. Fuck, I need som Austin, damn screws drank it all. My poor Compadre had a severe psychotic freakout in the hole, so the screws gave him enough lithium to turn Leona Helmsley into Mrs Claus. I look upon him with pity as he drools upon my knee.
EDITORS NOTE: There is a great deal of static due to the burnt condition of the tape, due to the bomb squads efforts. The next section seems to happen later on the Authors journey home.
As a moment of clarity crossed my mind, Austin deprovation, I see that the American people have decided to put a real "Fucker" in the White House. For once in a good long while there will be screams and moans coming from the White House and not from us. At least for now. Ah, the seat belt sign is off, soon the angels of mercy will be moving down the aisle, in the shapely sweats, that crawl all the way up the crack of their firm, but supple buttocks. From them, the Austin will flow.
I look forward to sheding the sticky and slimy cocoon of the age of Reagan and Bush. God the smell of fucking decay that it brought upon this country fills my nostrils still. But, I feel that they have one more "dump" to give. Like their last shit on the land. q34rt83r0gifsdhvljneqgr;ajbdf Ah, a flash back. Shit!!!!!
EDITORS NOTE: There is a great resounding thud, and the sound of a stewardess assisting the Author, who is calling out for Austin and someone named Tammy Faye.
As I sit here, in the relative calm of my small hovel, I look back over the year. What a strange and twisted journey its been. As we emerge from the slime of the Reagan-Bush years, I think about what I missed, sitting in the hell that is Texas.
First, there was Barcelona. Jesus! What a fucking bunch of horny bastards were directing this fiasco. What with all the crotch shots of women's swimming and diving. Fuck, I walked funny just watching the highlights. But I put that off on the Texas penal system. PEROT WILL DESTROY US ALL!!!!!!!!
Then there was that fine American institution of Presidential election. Where's Rob Lowe when you need him? I'm rambling now, my Compadre and I have been doing some indoor skiing, mixed with Austin. What a fucking rush! But I digress.
What was that!!!
Never mind, fucking bats!!!!!!!!
And now, we wait for the coronation of our new king, and the first wench. I'm confused, why did she wait until after the election to retain her maiden name. And shouldn't there be a fucking hyphen in there somewhere. There is one more question that I have for this new administration? When are the Dead going to perform for a state dinner. I can hardly wait. I can see it now. The President and the first lady "tripping" out to the sounds of the Dead and some of Owsley's finest. Will they share? I and my Compadre will be there of that I am certain.
35yu-rjpg';m/.fjsew6572-5=tgj FUCKING LITTLE BAT WEASLES!!!!!! I will find you and squish the life out of your little rat bodies!!!!!!
EDITORS NOTE: The tape is garbled here. There are sounds of the author running around chasing his "bats", as he hits the walls with the baseball bat. The sounds of his Compadre's laughter and screams of horror can be heard. The tape suddenly goes dead, as the sounds of the recorder being hit are recorded.
There are rumors that the author and his Compadre are wandering about the Western United States. Be afraid, be very afraid. The last we heard, he was heading towards Waco, Texas.