10/20/93

EDITORS NOTE: As per the Authors usual modis operandi, the following transcript is from a tape that was found nailed to the back door of a West Los Angeles camera store with the note "No Justice No Peace" wrapped around it in scotch tape. It was forwarded to us by the management of the store and its patrons.

Hey!!!!!

Where in the fucking hell am I! Oh yeah, I'm home, Whoah! What a fucking trip! All that I can say is that the FBI knows how to throw one hell of a fucking barbequeue! Those baby back ribs so tender and delicious. But thats old history.

As for now, my Compadre and I are here in the sweltering remnants of Lotus land, waiting for RIOTS II: The Denny Descision. Oooooooooh boy, I can hardly wait to see if my Smith and Wesson still works. My Compadre and I watch as the dwellers of Lotus land scurry about in the eighty degree temps, trying to find a safe hole to hide in. Yet, to my disdain, there may be a mistrial!! God damn it, I'm down to my last case of "Austin" and my Compadre's lithium script is running out. I think we need to go to "Nawlins"!! But first, the morning wake up call.

EDITORS NOTE: The tape plays the sound of the Authors bottle of Wild Turkey opening and a great series of gurgling sounds can be heard, Followed by a tremendous burp. The Authors Compadre can be heard in the background calling out "RAMBIS RAMBIS THE GOD IS BACK!!!!". We are not sure what that means.

Ah much better. The world has a whole new clarity to it. But I really don't want to see it all that clear. But I digress. There is some catching up to do.

EDITORS NOTE: The sound of gulping and snorting can be heard, as the author prepares to tell his tale.

WHOAH! Once me and my compadre left the land of Wacko, after telling this young Christian boy about a build up of ATF agents that we had seen down the road, we headed back to the land of the Lotus. We had to get back quickly, because my Compadre had this meeting with the head of Columbia pictures and someone named Heidi.

As I sit here waiting for my Compadre to rise from his lithium induced stupor, I wonder what the hell is going on in this fucking world!? We have a Democrat in the White House that is raising troop levels in a faraway country, that we have no business being in. Wait! This is another Kennedy parallel!!! Oh my god I'm having a serious psychotic freakout flashback!!!!!

EDITORS NOTE: The tape stopped here for a great while. The only sound that could be heard was the thrashing about of what we think is the Author. Then we heard the Author cry out, "HEY L. B. J. How many kids you kill today?".

I'm back!

As I sit here, in my post freakout stupor, I see that the Russians have taken my advice and treated themselves like Tyson treated his dates, rough and hard. What is it with the Russians, the color white and the month of October?? Jesus, can't these Bolshevick bastards get anything right? First, you don't piss off the guy who has the tanks. There is only one guy that can stand up to a line of tanks, but unfortunately, HE'S CHINESE!!!!! What the fuck did they think that they'd accomplish? I mean, did they think that the streets of Moscow were Los Angeles. Capitalism has a long way to go in that country. YOU DON'T GO AFTER THE GOVERNMENT, YOU GO FOR THE TVS AND VCRS! Didn't they learn anything from our April celebration?

Wait, the Denny verdicts are coming in.....

EDITORS NOTE: The tape stops here.